The following is written by Kai Bibeau, an autistic woman, who is one of the best spokespeople on autism I have come across yet. Her words cut right to the point. Consider the following advice:
“When someone discloses to you that they are autistic, and you respond with some variation on the phrase “you don’t seem autistic” you are GATEKEEPING a minority community you’re not even part of and you are GASLIGHTING actually autistic people.
“It is not the job of autistic people to “perform autism” for you in a way that matches your narrow and quite frankly uninformed concept of what does and does not constitute autism. If someone discloses to you that they are autistic, and you respond with doubt and/or invalidation, you’re punishing them with your own ignorance. You’re harming the autistic community in order to “protect” the autistic community. Doesn’t make sense. Please stop it.
“Please consider that autism is a spectrum. Yes, it exists within certain parameters, but there are near infinite permutations of traits and their expression within those parameters. It may, just may, be possible that you’re focused on one tiny corner of the spectrum and thinking it constitutes the totality of the spectrum, but there’s a WHOLE spectrum beyond this you haven’t ever considered.
“We’re not like trees in the woods, where if you’re not around to hear us fall, we don’t exist, and it never happened. We happen to exist whether or not YOU are aware of our existence, or what our existence looks like.
“Please, please, please consider that the discrepancy in your expectation for what an autistic person should be and the autistic person in front of you who doesn’t “seem” autistic to you may actually result from your own ignorance of the nuances of the autistic spectrum.
“And after you’ve considered that, please consider no longer gaslighting autistic people and gatekeeping the autistic community that you actually know very little about.” ~ written by Kai Bibeau
Namaste