I wish I knew my Mom was passing the day I visited her in the nursing home February 27. But at least I was with her seven hours prior to her transition. Both my husband and I were able to give her a sweet kiss on the cheek. She must have known she was passing. I did not. Still, it was precious time with my Mom I will never forget. This gives me pause to share a few thoughts I recently read from a friend.
Death ~ When someone dies, the first thing you need to do is nothing.
Don’t run out and call the nurse. Don’t answer the phone. Breathe deeply and be present to the extent of the moment.
There is a grace to be at the bedside of someone you love as they transition from this world.
The moment they exhale their last breath, there is an incredible sacredness in the space. The veil between the worlds opens.
We are so unprepared and untrained in how to deal with death that sometimes a kind of panic reaction sets in. “They are dead! “
We knew they would die, so their death is no surprise. It’s not a problem to be solved. It’s very sad, but there’s no reason to panic.
If anything, their death is reason to take a deep breath, to stop and really be present at what’s happening. If you’re home, maybe put the kettle on and make a cup of tea.
Sitting on the bed and just being present with the experience in the room. What’s going on with you? What might happen for them? What other presentations are here that might support them on their journey?
Tune in to all the beauty and magic.
Pausing gives your soul a chance to adapt, because no matter how prepared we are, death is still a shock. If we go straight into “do” mode, and call 112 or hospice, we never get a chance to absorb the magnitude of the event.
Give yourself five minutes, or 10 minutes, or 15 minutes to just be. You’ll never get that time back if you don’t take it now.
Then do the smallest thing you can. Call the one who needs to be called. Activate all systems that need to be activated, but turn them on at the lowest level.
Move very, very, very slowly, for this is a period when it is easy for body and soul to become separated.
Our bodies can gallop forwards, but sometimes our souls haven’t caught up.
If you have the ability to be still and present, seize it.
Accept and acclimatize and adapt to what happens. Then, when the train starts rolling, and all the things that happen after death, you better be prepared.
Soon you won’t get a chance to catch your breath. You need to do it now.
Being present for the moments after death is an incredible gift to yourself, it’s a gift to the people you’re with, and it’s a present to the person who just passed away.
They are only a breath away.
They are just starting their new journey in the world without body.
If you keep a quiet space around their body and in the room, they will be launched in a nicer way. It’s a service on both sides of the veil.
Credits for the beautiful words ~ Sarah Kerr, Ritual Healing Practitioner and Death Doula, Death Doula
Art: “Deathbed” by Carl Ludwig Jessen (1886).
Oil on canvas. German painter.
God Bless Everyone Everywhere