Standing in your own personal power is not always easy in the face of others strong 
opinions, expectations that do not feel like a choice to us and very often, emotional blackmail, the withholding of love or acceptance with a person or group unless we bend our will and personal power to that of others. Whether it is relationships, employment, politics or anything else, there seems to be a chink in our armor at times when it comes to us saying what we actually mean. If we are going to evolve into a more authentic version of our best selves, we need to continue to grow this character side of ourselves. What is the culprit that lies in wait for us in our weaker moments? The answer is FEAR.
By now everyone knows that “fear” stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real.” How do you like being duped? That is what fear does to us. It also robs us of our integrity.
It might seem that there are those of us who have absolutely no fear when it comes to saying exactly what they mean, or doing what needs to be done, in spite of the approval of others. But notice how they do this. It is often done in a revolutionary way, over dramatic, loud and over the top. There might even be some bullying involved and certainly no compassion. This is the response of a lesser human, a person not fully developed, one who is still on the road to achieving personal power. Such actions and reactions reveal holes in the personal development. They are not there yet.
How do the introverted, shy person and the loud, obnoxious one get to the same goal of mature personal development, strong in their own personal power effectively?
Effectively is the key word here. We can always remain hidden in our inner selves never allowing this part of us to show on the outside. Or, we can always remain in the loud with our over-bearing personality. But if we are to be effective and authentic to ourselves and others, we need to find a better way to communicate than what has not been working for us in the past.
If we were to reflect the inner integrity of our inner self upon the outer self that everyone sees and hears, how do we cross this personal bridge that has never or often been crossed?
There are some steps we can take to make progress in becoming a more authentic version of ourselves without engaging in obnoxious behaviors.
First, consciously drop the fear, all fear. The ego does not like this part. The insane ego likes the drama, the attention, the selfish notion that the ego needs fear to feed upon. This is exactly what fear does. It feeds the ego. Realize right now that we do not need to feed the wolf of your ego fear anymore. Recognize that from now on, we are going to feed our egos love, love without conditions. Once our egos feels the nourishment from love, the egos will relax and not feel like they went on a starvation diet. The ego is the ego, part of the fight or flight part of the body to keep us alive. But the ego does not need to only feed on fear. This part is a life long learning process, which sadly sometimes takes an entire lifetime to finally learn. Just know that it is possible to take a shortcut in this realization. It is conscious awareness in choosing LOVE over FEAR every time that accomplishes this task.
Second, we need to be ourselves. This might sound stupid. Aren’t we always being our selves? No, so very many times we are not. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t mind putting ourselves out while others do not (Oh, really?!), yes, we will work 80 hours a week and we will love it too, so thankful to have a job and all (Oh, really?!), and the list goes on. If we were to say what we really need to say, what would we say? We need to find the words that match what is on the inside of us with the outside of us. I truly believe this is part of the reason so many men (and women too!) are going bald these days. It is extremely stressful to keep stuffing our truth down our own throats.
Third, we need to stop beating ourselves up. Our history is our history and has brought us this far. Begin right here, right now. Drop attitudes. There is no benefit to being a doormat nor hateful. There is no need to justify ourselves. We are here. We count. We matter. We are worthy to be the best human we can be. We were born here on this planet like every other person born on this planet, no matter what country we live in, or family we were born into, rich or poor. We each matter, all of us are the same. There is no class distinction between human beings no matter what other humans fearful of losing their position try to tell us. The more we walk out of fear, the more we will begin to see how fear controls others.
Fourth, we need to accept ourselves inside and out, no matter what. Living a life to please other people is living a lie. Sooner or later our inner selves revolt. Why not start right now, or start again to LOVE ourselves right where we are, for better or worse. There is no human being alive who has not made mistakes. It is what we do. We are not perfect. Perfectionism is not something to try to attain. That is one of the chinks in the armor and sinks more than one of us along the road of life. Accepting flaws, then working on them when it occurs to us to do so can lead us to a life of more awareness and a life more fully lived.
The more we love ourselves and others, the more we allow more light and inspiration in. This is all part of love. It is hard to separate love and light. When we pray, we connect to the light and love of God. When we meditate, we connect to the light and love of the One Source of All. We become enlightened. Connect to this One Love.
We cannot be more authentic, speak our truth, or walk in integrity without matching our outside self with our inside self, and vice versa. When we do this, we will find peace, a balance in life that we have been searching for all our lives. It is freedom for the soul which has been trying to express itself. We can make this transformation with the grace and dignity with which all human beings are born.