How can you recover after permanent major life changes that have rocked your world to the core of its existence? Humanity is currently picking up the pieces left after death and destruction, broken relationships, lost employment, relocation, and a host of other realities that are hard to handle. Haunting reminders linger triggering you into immobility if you do not pay attention to these traps. Pretending things are fine when they are not paralyzes the situation. Here are some things that can help you when you are trying to recover your life.
- Take charge of your emotional and mental health. This is extremely empowering. While it may seem to be an overwhelming task, it is really quite simple. It is a decision you make. Decide from now on you are at the helm of your emotional and mental health, even if you are seeking counseling and/or are also on medications. This advice works no matter what.
2. This requires a change in the way you see yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else does. You know your strengths and weaknesses. You know what makes you tick. You also know the things that usually trip you up and your go-to response every time history repeats itself.
The key point to taking charge of yourself is to allow yourself to think of yourself in new ways. Know that your ego will not like this, and will fire back responses such as, “You do not really know me,” or “That will not work for me.” It is uncomfortable for the ego to change what is familiar. It may be uncomfortable, but necessary if you every hope to heal your situation.
As long as you dig your heels into the dysfunction that binds you, you will stay bound. That is your choice. You do have a choice despite what past habits may show you. Even if you have never been able to change your renegade thoughts before, know that you can. Each time a self-sabotaging thought comes to your mind, make yourself change what you are doing, and don’t argue with yourself about it. Call to mind a happy memory, listen to uplifting music, or use aromatherapy, since scent is the strongest of all triggers. Peel an orange or boil cinnamon and cloves in a pan of water for 15 minutes.
3. Stop what you are doing and take 15 deep breaths. Taking 15 deep breaths can lower your blood pressure. Envision calmness entering you with the oxygen circulating through your blood stream enlivening you, regenerating you. With each out breath, drop your shoulders away from your ears. Relax.
4. Make a new plan. Create a new paradigm. The old path you took taught you so many lessons. This was not a failure. This was a learning curve. No one knows ahead of time how the death of a loved one, a divorce, leaving home, or traveling across the country for a new job will affect you until it does. Be easy with yourself. Stop beating yourself up for not having ESP, and even if you do have ESP, stop all self-sabotaging behaviors.
You do not have to stay bound to dysfunctional thinking nor past or present habits. It is possible to change the way you think. You just have to be willing to try.
You are not a victim unless you choose to be.
It takes 21 days to change a habit. Begin today deciding to take these 6 steps:
A. to be safe. First things first, make sure you are safe. No one holds the right to your life, you do. Excuses and justifications do not count if you are being threatened or attacked. There is never a reason for someone to choke or hit you during an argument because you stepped out of some acceptable social norm. If you give in to another explanation of why it is OK to abuse you, you are in for a life of being under the abuser’s thumb.
Rule #1: MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE. National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233
Rule #2: MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE. National Domestic Violence TTY Hotline 800-787-3224
Rule #3: MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE. Abuse Victim Hotline by state www.avhotline.org
B. what you will and will not allow in your life. This might mean avoiding negative people who sabotage you. Anyone who constantly complains and dumps their bad day on you is not really your friend. Do you always feel bad around some people? Do not allow people to use you. Learn to stand up for yourself. You can do this peacefully. You are your best advocate.
C. never to react to anything ever again. Peacefully plan ahead how you will handle situations that have sunk you in the past. Stop the moment you recognize an old dysfunctional pattern playing out before you. Stay calm, smile, and levelheaded.
D. remain positive in the face of the dysfunction of others. Just because someone else is in a bad mood does not mean that you have to mimic them. Do not give your goodwill, nor your good mood away to any grump, bully, tyrant, or anyone else ever again. They do not know what to do if you just smile back at them. They do not own the rights to your happiness, you do.
E. make a plan for your future, go back to school, pick up a new hobby, make a new friend, change your career, investigate your options. The sky is the limit.
F. take positive steps only in the direction you want to go. Even if you have done these one hundred times, do it again. Begin today.
You can change to having a better life the moment you decide to do just that. I learned at 16 years old that life is what you make it. Make your life beautiful. You hold the keys to your life, no matter where you live, or what situation you find yourself.
If you are in dire circumstances, make a plan for your very next move. As an adult, you know the direction you need to go that will let your Soul live free, not under the thumb of any other human being, or set of rules by other restrictive organizations. Find groups that support you in the path you have chosen to go forward, like Alcoholics Anonymous or other substance abuse hotlines, weight loss programs, exercise gyms, craft clubs, or animal rights groups, gardening clubs, Yoga classes, etc. You can thrive in this lifetime you presently have.
Be the butterfly born out of the cocoon of your dreams, hopes, and plans for a better future. Begin, or begin again today.
Namaste