Stress, anxiety, and panic affect humanity systemically all over this beautiful world. Yes, it is really a beautiful place to live when we focus on the things that build us up, and find pathways to peace, building bridges for the common good, tolerance, and kindness. It is possible to find life-affirming solutions even in the most dire situations. One solution that works for all people everywhere is activating the relaxation response. This heals people, relationships, and the Earth. The question is, how?
Unbridled stress wreaks havoc in our lives. Often, we try to control the uncontrollable, then get stressed out when the impossible is inevitable, as if we can control what is outside us before we learn how to control what is inside us, our human emotions and our feelings.
Recognize the traps that trip you up, such as when you attempt to manipulate others, or when others try to do the same thing to you. Trial and error soon prove to you that this is not the way to run a business, or have relationships with friends and family, or anyone else. Manipulation of others seemingly strips you of your personal free will, but only if you let it.
Make a decision to “be the duck,” or “be like Teflon,” and allow the mean and cruel ways of others slide off you if this is happening to you. If they knew better, they would do better. Since they do not know better, you do not need to be influenced by their ignorance anymore. There is no benefit to you to take on the dysfunction of others. If you choose to make amends with others, at least be honest with each other. Pretending is never sustainable.
Emotional and psychological manipulations are warped negative behavior modification paradigms as a way others try to get you to do their bidding or act in a particular way for their benefit. It is seldom used for your benefit. Sometimes it only occurs to you after someone has usurped your free will in this way, appealing to your sense with their version of fairness or justice.
Emotional blackmail is a manipulation tactic of warped behavior modification which only works to some extent, as long as others play along in the same psychological game. An example of this kind of emotional blackmail is when a person tells you not to speak to them about a common third party or else you will be excluded from their presence also. Cults do this.
The key is to recognize when you are being drawn into thoughts and behaviors of others which go against what you want to think, say, and do. It is a power struggle for your personal power. Either they win and you obey them by never speaking of the person they want to shun with them, or you will be shunned too. You have a right to think and speak your mind without threats by others who supposedly know and love you. It is a choice you make to stand up for your personal beliefs.
Methods of guilt, obligation, fear, (known as FOG), and manipulation are usually short lived and tend to blow up in the faces of those involved. No one likes to be manipulated, nor feel the stress, anxiety, and panic to which these situations give birth. Truth always comes out in the end.
Re-member, you are in charge of you, not anyone else. Re-membering, as in re-connecting, means to align yourself with your original Spark of Life, the thing that makes you tick, the Light of your Spirit/Soul, the life which animates you.
No healing can take place as long as the “game” of manipulation and emotional blackmail is in play. Sadly, this is no game. Healing can take place, but not as long as the pawns of the game pretend along with the manipulator that the faux reality is real, and everything is alright. Healing can only take place with honest communication between all parties. Relationship stress can be relieved. Healing is possible for all involved, with a foundation of love, honesty, and forgiveness.
A good example of this is depicted in the Home Alone movie when Macauley Culkin as Kevin, meets his scary neighbor, Roberts Blossom as Marley, in a church. Marley tells Kevin that he does not need to be afraid of him anymore and explains that he is listening to his granddaughter practicing in the choir, they only way he gets to see her since her family does not speak to him anymore. With all the wisdom of a child, Kevin encourages him to take advantage of the Christmas holiday good cheer to connect with the family. The sage advice is taken, and the family rift is healed.
What the obstinate relationship manipulator does not realize is that they are also hurting themselves while continuing to commiserate their poison with others. It creates a life of hiding and constantly beating the dirge drum of dysfunctional memories rather than healing what is broken. The unforgiven memories take on a life of their own, overshadowing every other personal decision, where to live, who will be where, and conniving plans to not cross paths in a life-long avoidance dance. Their faux reality can make them feel empowered until they come across the person they pretend is not there, then they flee the reality of their own making with wings on their feet.
Be honest with yourself. Take stock of your emotional self and your thought process. What is your end goal? If you cannot solve major dilemmas at the moment, what are your short-term goals? Focus on what you can do, not what you cannot do. Making these goals helps to calm the mind, knowing you are working on something positive. Take a deep breath.
To get at the root cause of the problem, focus on your emotional and psychological process. This is where your personal power resides, inside of you, in your will, determination, and desire for good and healing. Take a stand within your heart, mind, and voice to reclaim your free will and personal power. This will bring you peace. Brainstorm on only positive remedies and notice what suddenly comes to mind.
This is also the same solution if you desire a stronger meditation or prayer life. Rather than trying to find the right church, the right club, or the right group of social friends, for example, you will make more progress if you take some quiet time, go within, and connect with your personal Spark of Divine Love and Light within you.
I am not saying you don’t need external support systems. How many times have you spun your wheels “out there,” and come back exhausted and worn out? There is an expression that fits this point:
“If we don’t go within, we go without.”
While it is good to know what your stressors are and know how to avoid them, nothing takes the place of growing an interior life of peace, affirmation, and inspiration. Take a lesson from Albert Einstein, Nichola Tesla, and Henry Ford. They each took time out of their day for meditation, then suddenly came across amazing enlightenments. The same thing can work for you.
This also brings an added benefit of enthusiasm, inner strength, and determination.
Meditation is the way to peace. Start right where you are. Notice Albert Einstein, Nichola Tesla, nor Henry Ford beat themselves up emotionally, spiritually, nor physically, saying how unworthy nor sinful they are. No, they simply took time to quiet the mind and connect with the Universal Source of Life Energy.
You will grow in peacefulness, serenity and tranquility if you take at least 15 minutes a day for some time apart, just for you. Think of it as your oasis of peace, a time just for you filled with connection to the Source of All Universal Life Energy.
Take a walk, jog, saunter or sit in nature using your five senses. Each time your mind wanders to the problems of the day, remind yourself of your mission for this 15-20 minute quiet time. Bring yourself back to finding the most beautiful site, the most beautiful sound, the most beautiful smell, the most beautiful touch, and the most beautiful taste, which might be a refreshing glass of lemonade when you get back. Find the wonder. Look for it. Let all other thoughts float on by. Find the amazing wonder of the moment.
It is not selfish to take care of the self. We are the temple of Divine Breath walking on this planet, touching the lives of others, healing them with our love and tenderness. We cannot do this if we have abused ourselves by not taking very good care of us.
Lastly, realize that the lessons we refuse to learn in this life determine what sort of life we assign to ourselves in the next.
Namaste